Ain't No Way To Be
by Mags0607
Summary: She even let his hands graze down the front of her bathing suit because he was the hardest habit she would ever learn to break. [BL ONESHOT]


Hey everyone, I know it has been a long time, but here is something to remind everyone that I have not fallen off the fan fiction planet. I am thinking about doing a follow-up one shot this if everyone likes it. So if you do, let me know, and if you don't, well….

NOTE: This is set in the future, after graduation. Peyton and Lucas are not together. The song is from Katharine McPhee "Over It"

I don't own them, because lets face it, if I did, they would be written better….

Cathy this is for you…

**Ain't No Way to Be**

_**I'm over your lies, And I'm over your games…**_

"Brooke, Brooke, please open the door."

The voice outside the bathroom stall was painfully familiar as Brooke choked in deep breathes desperately trying to ebb the mild panic attack that was threatening to surface.

'_Had the past year taught them nothing?_' She wondered silently as the pounding on the door remained steady and unwavering. It was as if each knock, each time she was reminded of his presence outside the door, her fragile mind was battered with memories. There were so many to choose from concerning she and Lucas, that she couldn't control them from bombarding her brain.

If only she had been smart enough a few moments ago to remind herself of their past and not focus on the present. If she was as good at blocking his lips and the taste of his kiss out of her mind as she was at blocking out the feelings he sparked within her, she may not find herself in this position.

Yes, freaking out in Bevin's guest bathroom was not the ideal place to be spending the remainder of her Friday night.

_**I'm over you asking me when you know I'm not ok…**_

"Brooke, are you alright? Please talk to me."

She sunk down to the floor at his words. Could he really think that everything was going to be fine and dandy? Was he really that stupid? She didn't think so; but then again, the workings of Lucas Scott's inner thoughts had always escaped her rational.

She had let him get close to her again, and that was the mistake she was sick of making time and time again.

Everything had been going so well lately that she had allowed herself to live in the few happy moments she was going to have in Tree Hill before they all said good-bye. Since graduation, and Lucas and Peyton's subsequent hiatus, life had gone back to normal. Well as normal as life in Tree Hill could be at least. They were all tentative friends, existing simultaneously in harmony for the first time since they had all crossed paths over three years ago. It was a settling emotion, and now she had a feeling that was all shot to hell.

"Pretty Girl, I'm not leaving, I just want to talk to you."

Hearing his voice again, hearing her old nickname from when they were together, triggered the events that transpired over the last few moments.

They had been chatting casually outside, sitting among the fire that Skillz started for the partygoers that had meandered into Bevin's beach house, trying to soak up the last days of being Tree Hill's most recent graduates. He had sat beside her, and immediately they had become immersed in stories, chatting like old friends, ignoring the pain and the hurt of the past, focusing on how they were in the present.

Then, as the alcohol became more plentiful, and the fire became increasingly intimate, she could feel his body inch closer to hers until, just a few grains of sand separated their hands. She didn't know whether it was the nostalgia or the slight twinkle in his eye, but she had let him kiss her. It was passionate, it was tender, and it reminded her of everything his kisses had made her do in the past. It also reminded her of every time her heart was broken by him, and how she had spent the past few months adjusting to not being the one he kissed.

The scene had become too familiar, too close to reaching her heart, and in the split second that she dragged her lips from his, she saw another blonde head in the small crowd. It was the last straw, and she ran as fast as her slender legs would carry her to Bevin's guest bathroom.

Nearly fifteen minutes later, that where she still remained, and he was still planted firmly outside her door.

_**And that's why your eyes, I'm over it.. **_

_**Your smile, I'm over it…**_

She couldn't do this again.

That was the only thing she deduced from her lengthy retreat. She was not going to let Lucas back in, and there was no way that she was going to be caught in the middle of he and Peyton. Not again.

She supposed that it would never truly be over. That the triangle of mass destruction would never be done. Lucas never seemed to be able to truly decide if he wanted the blonde or the brunette. It was as if both she and Peyton owned separate pieces of his heart, and he was never content. Brooke knew he loved her, or had in the past; but she also knew that Peyton would always have a special place in his heart.

She suspected that if she let him, Lucas would flip between she and Peyton for life. That's why, while sitting on the floor, she decided that it was finally time to settle the triangle for certain.

There could be no more triangle if there were only two parties involved.

_**Wanting you to be wanting me. No, that ain't no way to be…**_

Rising carefully from the floor, she allowed herself a moment to gain her composure before she swung it open. The moment she did, Lucas fell into the small bathroom, shocked as hell that she had finally relented and opened the door.

For just a brief moment, she let a small smirk of satisfaction flit across her face. He had stayed and waited for her, not run after Peyton. It was a nice feeling, if only for a second.

"What is there to talk about Lucas?" she asked as she peered down at his form, still lying backwards on the marble tile of the floor.

"Us, Brooke, I'm here to talk about us." he said as he slowly lifted himself off the floor, standing up and shutting himself into the tiny room with her.

As he tried to grab for her hand, she backed a little farther out of his grasp, positioning herself on the sink and clearly signaling that he was not to be close to her. Catching her body language, Lucas slid down against the wall, and occupied her previous position by the door as he waited for her to say something.

"There is no us Lucas, there hasn't been for a really long time." It was true, they had only been an "us" for a few short months, and now looking back, she realized that when they were a technical couple, she had allowed herself to be lost in his world, only being part of a pair and really loosing herself. Now that she had gotten that girl back, she wasn't sure she would ever risk loosing her again.

"What if I want there to be again?" His voice was so hopeful, and the look on his face told her that he thought it was that easy. He looked as if he truly believed, that just because he wanted to love her again, she actually wanted that in return.

_**How I feel, read my lips. Because I'm so over, I'm so over. I'm so… **_

"Its not that easy Lucas, we've changed, moved on. It can't just keep being the same cycle. I can't worry whether or not you will be wanting an 'us' with Peyton again. I can't put myself through that again. I can't let you put me through that again." Her voice almost cracked as the words came tumbling out, the hurt welling up inside and spilling out for him to hear.

The days of Broody and Cheery had long passed, and until that moment, she didn't realize how sad she was to know that there wasn't a future for them.

He was up before she finished her speech, grabbing for her hand. This time she didn't refuse him, knowing that this was closure and probably the last time she would let his hand touch her gently, or that she would let him pull her to him the way he was.

Once she had let herself, against her better judgment, be pulled into his arms, he started talking. "I'm not with Peyton, I haven't been for a while, and I miss you Brooke. I miss how good we were together."

She almost laughed at his words, how many times he had twisted such things to recycle the same lines to both she and Peyton, how she could truly believe the things he said to them both.

She had to fight that little part of her heart that would always want him and pull away. She couldn't let that little voice inside win and let herself believe this. Se knew that it would never change, and that the moment she trusted him enough to hand her heart to him again, that he would turn around and hand his back to Peyton.

_**Moving on, and it's my time. You never were a friend of mine… **_

_**Hurt at first, a little bit, And now I'm so over, So over it…**_

"I can't Lucas. We can't do this again. I gave you my heart twice, and you broke it, TWICE. I'm not going to let you break it a third time. I can't let myself be hurt like that again."

She couldn't pull her hand away from him, and she couldn't move. This wasn't the first time she had told him that he broke her heart, and the last time, she had gone against her fear and let him in. As his blue eyes gazed soulfully into hers, she couldn't bear to let herself be lost in that again.

She started to protest again, say something, anything when she felt his lips crash against her for the second time that night.

_**I'm over your hands, And I'm over your mouth…**_

_**Trying to drag me down and fill me with self doubt…**_

She let him drag her mouth open with his own, and she let him fight her for dominance. She let him kiss her like he meant it because there was something about his touch that was like kryptonite to her soul. She even let his hands graze down the front of her bathing suit because he was the hardest habit she would ever learn to break.

In those few moments that she let the world stand still, she almost let herself give in. She almost let the Brooke that was in love with him come back up to the surface. She doubted her decision to swear him off for good, and it was the moment that his hand brushed the bottom of her skirt that she knew she had to stop. Because if she let it go any further he would somehow weasel his way back into her heart, and then she would never be able to break free. She would never be able to walk away and save her sanity.

_**Oh and that's why your world…**_

_**I'm over it…**_

_**I'm not your girl…**_

"No Lucas, we can't do this again. I am not your girlfriend, I've just learned how to be your friend again, but I can't even do that if you keep changing your mind on me. We cant do this again."

"Brooke, you don't mean that, do you?"

She almost said no, she almost let herself look into his blue eyes and forget the past and the future and just live in the present. But if being with him had taught her anything, it was that she was stronger than that.

"Actually, I do."

"But I love you Brooke."

She froze at those words, reminiscing on a time when those were the only words she wanted him to say to her. Remembering the way her heart shattered when it was Peyton he uttered them to.

Doing the only thing she could do, she pulled him close and gently kissed his lips.

"I love you too, Lucas. But this time I have to love me more." The tears stated falling from her eyes as she let go of his hand, and watched his face cloud with confusion.

"I can't keep getting caught up in your kisses and your declarations of love. I can't let myself fall for you over and over again. I will probably always have a piece of my heart that belongs to you, but I can't do this again."

"But I want to be with you Brooke, this time, I just want you."

It wasn't the first time he had said words like that to her, hell it wasn't even the second, and she was certain the cycle would go on forever if she let it.

_**Don't call, Don't come by…**_

_**Ain't no use, Don't ask me why…**_

_**You never change..**_

"I know you want me Lucas, and I even believe you love me, but I'm not the only girl in your heart. I never have been and I never will be." Letting the tears fall freely now, she allowed herself to continue. "And that's what I deserve. I deserve to be someone's whole world, and you deserve someone that can erase every other girl from your heart. We aren't those people for each other, I don't think we ever were."

"Brooke I can't just let you go, I don't know what to do without you in my life."

"Find a way to be happy." She kissed his forehead and let herself walk to the door. She knew this was goodbye, probably one that was long overdue, and she knew that somehow in that moment she had done it.

There was no more triangle, and she had set herself and her heart free. She knew that he would be hurt for a while, and she didn't wish that on anyone, but she also knew a little in the back of her mind, that she had just paved the way for he and Peyton to reunite. They would probably find love with each other again, and this time she knew, that she would find it with someone else.

Walking out of the bathroom and effectively away from her past and the boy she had given herself to in so many ways, she took one last look back. He had been her world, broken it, and then helped her realize what she wanted out of life.

"Goodbye, Lucas, I know you'll be great. Just find a way to find someone that makes you happy."

"You too," she heard him whisper as she turned away again.

And with that she closed the door and walked out of the party. Getting into her car and looking back at the house, she knew it was time to look forward. She had the rest of her life to live, and it was time she did it without her world revolving around Tree Hill or Lucas Scott.

_**Moving on, and it's my time. **_

_**You never were a friend of mine **_

_**Hurt at first, a little bit **_

_**And now I'm so over, **_

_**So over it…**_


End file.
